I used to love this line from the book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower - it went, "And in that moment, I felt Infinite.
I never really knew what that meant until the day I gave birth to my little girl. I can still remember the moment I found out I was pregnant. I burst into an uncontrollable flow of tears. I was’t sure what I was feeling. It was as if within moments of finding out, it dawned upon me that my life was entering a whole new phase. And as I mentally turned a new leaf, I felt overwhelmed with joy and anxiety.
The volley of emotions in their extremity was short lived. And the months that followed were overridden by bouts of morning sickness, and a periodical sort of uneasiness that arised as thoughts of playing the balancing act of teacher, wife and mother surfaced. On most days, I was okay. Mostly because I didn't know what to expect. But on others, I could not imagine being a mother! Was I prepared? Did I know what motherhood was all about? Had I read all of Gina Ford’s books and bibles? No, not at all. And perhaps, I should have been a more “responsible” mother to be. But months past and before I knew it, my husband rushed me to the hospital in the middle of a hot summer night. Hours later, I heard a soft cry and the doctor's voice saying, "It's a girl."
I gave birth to a beautiful little girl, Navyaa.
On that day all tags and titles were off. There were no roles to play and no expectations to fill. I was a just woman that was staring eye to eye with her newborn baby. And for the first time in a very long time, my mind was blank and my heart was full. It was so surreal yet amazing to finally meet her. My baby. Our baby.
As I looked into her eyes, I felt at peace. In that moment, I knew what that quote was all about. Because that moment felt infinite. I felt infinite.
Today, I was a mother and nothing, not a single thing could replace that feeling in the world.